A Thought on Confidence

here!What Is Confidence?

“Just Be Confident, Be Yourself!” – Every Unhelpful Person Ever

You know the word, and you know how casually people throw it around. It’s as if just saying it around someone is simply enough to give them all the charm of a serial killer.

Most insecure people like ourselves just don’t benefit from a word, in fact I don’t know anyone who builds themselves around a word. Knowing what this term means can make or break a person when it comes to learning to be charming and overcoming social anxiety. It’s not the word that’s important, it’s the definition.

Breaking down Confidence is a relatively complex procedure, after all the definition is going to change between every person. When each person develops it, they’re lives are likely going down a dissimilar path then yours. So in order to give you a broader view that could switch from person to person with some exceptions of course, I’ve thought of a formula that I believe confidence can be explained. Confidence = Self Assurance + Self Acceptance, this is my honest definition of confidence.

I firmly believe this, and have found it to be true in my own experience that having Self-Confidence is to be Assured of yourself. Because of that assurance, your inspired to take action.

Once again, I don’t view it as simple as that either, I believe that gaining Confidence involves building up the many aspects of your life one by one. That way you feel assured that each part is working in the direction that it needs to for your life.

At the very least you can start to gain steam in the particular direction that you have in your head. So that you can figure out that person that you’d like to be one day.

It’s a sense of self belief and trust, a feeling that you’re on your path and that you’re certain that you have the ability to overcome any obstacles that have been placed before you. So, in an odd way, confidence is both a feeling that you’re working towards your goal, and at the same time knowing that even if you don’t know exactly where you want to be, that you’ll discover it along the way.

So how exactly do we go about learning to be confident with ourselves, if such a thing has avoided us thus far? Well, with everything else that I’ve told you, I advocate starting simply, and allowing your skills as a human being act as building blocks upon one another, so…start simply.

If confidence is a series of self assurances that you’ve built from different areas of your life, then just allow everything that you know empower you to action. Your first step to confidence lies strictly in the mind, remember the last time you felt truly self assured of something.

A hobby of some kind, or maybe a moment in your life. Take something simplistic, such as  your favorite thing to do, be it horseback riding, or LARPing, or maybe writing (woo!). Now think back on how happy you felt, how your chest was firm.

Your eyes smiled, and you felt completely at ease because of how sure you were that you were doing it correctly.

You, at those moments, were confident in yourself, even if you didn’t believe it. I want you to log those moments, it may take a couple days of soul searching.

I know it did for me, I wound up taking a couple of days off and going up to my family’s cabin in the Northern LP of Michigan over a weekend to truly go through this whole practice. Don’t be surprised if it takes you a little while to think of everything, that’s completely natural.

Find the areas of life, those times and activities when you feel at the top of your game. When you just do things because you know you can. You’ll find that there are probably more then you thought originally. Now take a step back, and look upon those moments, and realize how much in your life is already self assured.

Note: I find that writing all of those areas down helps, but I always write everything down, regardless of what it is.

What I want you to realize here, to truly see that all of those moments where you felt so strong, where you just did what you did because you felt that is was the correct thing to do? That was all because you were sure of yourself!

That Came from you directly, and nothing can change that! Take those moments deep into your heart, and feel that surety of those moments. Allow those times to help drive you forward into each of the aspects of your life.

Even if you don’t know fully what your doing yet, the knowledge that you’re slowly and building this amazing world for yourself and growing into the person you want to be will help you keep your head held high.

Remember that you’re building the tools to become a better you, that you can trust yourself. Believe that you’re going in the right direction in your life because it’s what you want.

YOU are building that for Yourself. YOU are the one in control of your life, and ultimately, YOU are the one who wants to get where they want to get to. You have the tools, and you’re already super sure of yourself in those areas of your life, just take that life view, and apply it to the areas where you aren’t as confident, one by one.

Start with the area where you need the least improvement and quickly add it to your roster of things that your confident at. Let your confidence act as a snowball, as it rolls downhill, it’ll get larger, and bigger, and more all encompassing. You’ll start to see your worries vanish, see you’re stature grow taller and watch yourself grow to be that important person that you KNOW you can be and that you KNOW you want to be.

Now onto the second element of the formula, Self-Acceptance. This one can often times be a tough cookie to crack because it forces you to look inward on an emotional level, something that a lot people are hesitant to so (I used to be that same way).

Self-Acceptance is necessary for you to grow in a healthy, forward manner. It’s sometimes slow in its build, but eventually everybody is forced to take a look at who they are. The path to self acceptance can be hard, and it’s process that you may be reluctant to do.

But to truly be confident, to give off an air of confidence and not have it falter on you whenever your shown something that reminds you of your insecurities, you need to accomplish it. True Acceptance comes from the heart, and it’s something we’re going to lay out right now.

Self Acceptance is looking back at the choices that you as a person have made, everything that has led you up to this moment, and just accepting that things happened the way they did, regardless of what it is. Accepting that your life happened the way that it did and that it’s in the past, that there’s no way to change your past at this point as it already happened, allows you to move past it.

Then after that, you have to decide what kind of person you want to be, what your path is, I Highly recommend looking into Chelsea Dinsmore’s Blog called Live Your Legend, it can really help with this process, and most of his material is free to access and use. It’s helped me figure out who I am, I truly believe that the community can help anyone!. Then work on being a better person that’s more in line with your goal tomorrow then you were yesterday!

Not Easy, I know, but that’s the way acceptance is. Each of us wants to accept what we’ve seen and done. But often times we have a problem doing just that because  of any number of reasons, maybe we don’t want to see that part of our lives end, or maybe we feel deeply troubled and don’t want to accept something we did hurt that somebody.

Whatever decisions you made in the past, you need to accept that they happened the way they did. The most effective way to do that in my honest opinion, is to start small. I always advocate starting somewhere small, and letting your accomplishments build on each other. Think of something that you did to hurt somebody, or maybe find someone who hurt you in the past (Maybe a bully that used to push you around) and Apologize/Forgive them sincerely.

People are going to act the way they’re going to act, and that can mean acting selfish. It’s up to you whether you’re going to sit there and let it trouble you for your entire life, or whether you’re going move on. Forgive, but don’t forget. When you find your path, or you start to find your path, you should be asking yourself “What kind of man/woman do I want to be?”.

That question should be on your mind always, as you should be aspiring to become more like that promising individual that you know you want to become each day. What you’ll find is that when you accept yourself and work towards who you want to be, you realize that each day becomes just a little brighter. Each day shows you that you’re better than you were the day before, and that you’ll develop the inherit knowledge that you’ll be even better tomorrow.

Going through this process will take a different amount of time for each person, as we each have a story, and our lives aren’t all the same, but believe me when I say that you’ll feel so much weight lift from your chest the further you get into this. It’s all building blocks, people, all building blocks, so remember, my formula for Confidence is…

Confidence = Self Assurance + Self Acceptance

If you’d like to know more on Confidence, click here!

Stevenson Grey