Pulling the Wool From Your Eyes
PULLING THE WOOL FROM YOUR EYES
The world is a large place, filled with the mundane and the unexpected. So it’s safe to say that it’s also inhabited by people of all shapes and sizes, people who see clearly, and those who’ve pulled the proverbial wool over their own eyes, or the eyes of those around them.
Being fake with other people can and will work…for a time at least. Especially in terms of social skills, being untrue with someone is going to work so long as you aren’t making a serious connection with the person or people.
When it comes to the test of friendship, one thing is for certain, your true self is GOING to come out, and people really don’t like being lied to, and will cause turmoil in your relationships. While turmoil isn’t uncommon, lying to your friends really isn’t cool, and there’s absolutely no need to put on a mask just because your trying to impress someone.
It’ll come out, and instead of looking like a rock star like you wanted, you’re going to look like a joke. So how do you go about becoming a genuine person? The key is to work from the inside out; in this case, charity starts at home.
I’m not saying that you aren’t a genuine person. Because if you truly are then bravo, you know a lot more then I did when I started this journey, and you’ll have an easier time learning to be social.
BEING GENUINE WITH YOURSELF
As I stated in the last section, being genuine isn’t so much about interacting in the world around you, so much as it is revealing the truth as to who you are. Because when you do that yourself, it reflects on the world around you. So how on earth do you go about that?
It’s not a short process, in fact, it’s one that takes a lot of self-reflection and patience, because self-development is worth every second. When you discover who you truly are, when your completely honest with yourself, it reveals gratification unlike anything you’ve ever seen simply because you know for a fact that you are sure of what your saying.
It’s almost like being able to question something and devise an answer from your experiences, your choices, and your personality, and similar to the process of developing Confidence and Self-Esteem, Similar to the processes of finding Passion and Motivation, and not unlike the process of being Educational and Outgoing, it brings out a light in your eyes that sees the world around you in a different way, not one to throw on a mask and run away from, but one to stick out your chest proudly in the face of adversity. Being genuine is an enlightening experience because it sings of your experiences, and how you chose to see them, and show people that you’re honest with yourself, and that’s what is important.
Being Genuine with yourself starts with breaking down the barriers between what you perceive to be your reality, and what you truly believe. If you think on your past choices, you’ll see some inconsistencies, and you’ll begin to pick up on the differences on whether you were or are being a genuine person.
It’s easy to see things through rose colored glasses, and even easier to see everything as a big pit of despair, and what we’re looking for is an even balance between the two. Because being genuine isn’t about being eternally happy with your circumstances, and certainly isn’t about seeing everything with too much “realism” as people say. It’s about seeing you for who you really are, which can be a difficult thing to extract because people really don’t like having their illusions shattered, and to discover ourselves you must do just that.
This can be one of those things that takes several days, even weeks of contemplation to discover. Alongside your Self-Esteem and your Confidence, it can be helpful to take a several day long retreat, do something you haven’t done, and do it by yourself (if you haven’t noticed I’m a really big fan of journeys of self-discovery, if you work on how you act upon the world and do it alone, it can really reveal elements of who you are, elements that were previously hidden).
The journey for learning to be genuine can only revolve around one person, because when we aren’t genuine to ourselves, it can cause a lot of stress, nervousness, panic attacks, anger, and so much more. I want you to choose your most recent life stress, and not I’m not talking about paying a bill, or what color your next car should be. I want you to think on the most recent actual personal problem that you have in your current life (resolved or otherwise).
An issue with a friend that makes you irrationally angry when you think about it, someone’s actions that might not necessarily involve you personally, or maybe something someone said that triggered an emotion in you that was rather unneeded and extreme. Something that on the surface seemed like a completely rational reaction, but you might have a nagging feeling that stays with you long after the interaction is over.
Our past lives dictate a lot of the emotions that we feel know, and many of the past experiences that we have been inflicted by often times stay with us for much longer then we’d care to admit. Mostly out of the illusion and desire that we are perfectly adjusted human beings that react to things as any other person would, unwilling to admit to ourselves that maybe we are fallible and that there might just be chinks in our armor, which blinds us to that very fact.
The unfortunate truth is that sometimes, we allow ourselves to hold onto negative experiences in our lives, and from those grudges held so tight we develop insecurities, which can erode our sense of self-worth. So from there, we develop that mask that I speak of in many of my writings, we can conceal who we are, lie to everyone around us. Eventually we string together such an intricate web of lies, that we believe it to be true.
So how do we reveal the truth to ourselves without falling apart, or overwhelming ourselves? One must first divulge that which he is truly afraid of, true human fears, not phobias like being afraid of the dark. Things like fear of failure, fears of success, fears of rejection and abandonment (a personal one for me to be honest), things of that nature.
You’ll often find these fear lurking underneath those small things that you over-react to. Dig deep within you, and try to find similarities between the situation you’re in, and a situation which effected you heavily, you might just be able to discover that those small things in which you react so heavily to might be tied to or remind you of something that hurt you in the past. Or possibly ties in to something which you’re scared of, and you want to know the shocking thing? That’s completely okay!
It’s okay that something makes you insecure, so long as you don’t just allow yourself to sit there, completely freaking out about something, you have to acknowledge that it freaks you out, or that your scared of what might happen if that deep seated fear of yours comes true, that’s what is going to help you in this situation, if you don’t acknowledge to yourself, if your not GENUINE with yourself that there’s something deeper lurking behind that way you act when you freak out, then your never going to progress.
Acknowledge that you’re scared of what the future might hold, or scared of what others intentions are, or possibly even scared they might just abandon you. Be honest with yourself that the potential outcome freaks you out and bring these insecurities into the light. You’ll immediately find a small sense of satisfaction where there was once confusion and fear.
That’s Step one in being genuine with yourself, uncovering that which makes you afraid, sad, or angry. From there, we can move onto step two, which is the beginning of the healing process, which is making a decision.
Deciding can be a little tricky, because it makes you question these fears, and in questioning them, you must decide on a course of action with your present state of mind. From there, step three, which I’ll explain in the next section, changes drastically one way or the other.
When you uncover each of your deep-seated mindsets, the things you fear the most, the things that introduced into the equation, throw off your mindset and derail your mental state, you must make a decision as to whether or not your okay with having these fears. Whether you believe, in your heart of hearts, that they are assisting you in your day to day life.
In other words, you need to decide whether you want to continue living the way that you are, thereby making these elements a part of your personality, things you will not tolerate and therefore reject, or if you want to change them and change the way you react and the way you think on these fears. Believe it or not, either path is a valid way to overcome these fears.
In either instance, you are making the GENUINE choice to make these things a part of your personality. You’re not trying to hide them, you’re just choosing whether or not you want them there, and from that point you are genuinely reacting, and genuinely deciding to act the way you are, or changing it.
In either case, you are therefore being genuine with yourself, because at that point you aren’t hiding it in the dark, afraid to let it out. You’re acknowledging it, and saying that this is who I am, and I believe that this decision is the best course of action.
BEING GENUINE WITH OTHERS
This leads to the third course of action, which can be either one of two things, steps I like to call Changing, or Accepting. Either one can help you become more complete as a human being because at that point, you are acting with what you believe is the best decision, and you’ll have your own personal sense of truth to back your words.
When you express the truth to yourself, it puts you in a sense of calm which gives people around you the ability (if they so choose) to be calm around you, because they know for a fact that your intentions are true in conversation with them. They may be not the most politically correct or secure intentions, but they come across as okay, because you have that sense of right in your eyes.
They can tell you’re being genuine with yourself, and that you are opening up, showing vulnerability and being honest. Trust from those around starts by trusting yourself, showing people you can handle life’s obstacles.
You’d be surprised to find out that many people actually want to see the real you, the being that you know you are, or that your certain you’d like to change. Either one shows maturity, it shows that you’ve decided to deal with life as you are. Choosing the path of acceptance for who you are with all your flaws, and saying that your okay playing the game of dancing around it, or deciding that you want to change and learning to fight against your insecurities.
I’ll start with acceptance, when you accept that you’re okay with just dealing, or even hiding your insecurities. You’re still aware of them, you’re just okay with it, you choose to accept who you are now, deciding to bear your soul.
In a strange way, accepting your insecurities is actually a good way to help you get over them, because it almost acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy. You start to become sure of yourself, and while you dance around that which bothers you, you’re aware of your faults.
When other people deal with you, they at some point become aware of the game you’re playing, and they’re going to react the way you’re going to react. But because you’re both aware and okay with the little dance that you put on with people, you’ll notice that people accept you for it. They may get on your ass about the way you avoid certain things, but you’ve made your decision, and that’s something they’re going to have to come to terms with.
When you accept the person that you are however, at some point, you may realize that you’ll need to get over those things that you falter on however. Acceptance is the first step to overcoming a problem, and eventually to progress, you’re going to need to work on yourself in that area, but even accepting the problem is a step in the right direction.
But for the moment you’ll notice that people are treating you differently, because you’ve noticed your flaws, and you’re not trying to hide them, you’re just dealing with them. It shows that you grown, more then that, it shows that you’ve accepted that you have flaws, and that you believe that revealing them to people won’t drive them away from you.
(Please Note: You never want to just dump everything about yourself into people laps at once, it’s much better shown over time, so that people can get to know you, they don’t want to know everything about you, but they do want the real you).
The Best part about accepting your flaws for what they are is that there’s a good chance that the power which they hold over you becomes lessened significantly. One of the biggest reasons why your insecurities are so strong is because you’re placing so much fear behind them, your giving them power with your actions.
When you show that you’re not afraid of them, you’ll see that it was simply their shadow that scared you so, when you shine a light on your supposed monster, you see it’s simply a rat. Take away its source of power and you take away it’s influence, therefore you take away its ability to effect you in such a high manner, and it goes from being a massive problem to being an annoyance that can be managed.
Then there’s going to be the other option, which is always valid, after you uncover and accept your flaws, you can make the decision to change. Changing in my opinion is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself to be a genuine person.
Not only are you acknowledging your problems, but you’ve made the decision that you’re not going to allow your insecurities to hold you back any longer. When you make the decision to change, you stand a little taller, fall a little harder, but when you stand again.
You brush off the dust, and the look of vigor in your eye won’t fade even a little bit. Your problems, which are already so weak after you acknowledge they’re there, vanish over a period of time. The process will leave you empowered, and as they vanish away, you’ll look back one day, genuinely happy in the process in which you’ve progressed.
You won’t even fear to look at people in the eye, or wonder if they’ll think your ridiculous for your past, because you will have genuinely made the change. You’ve shown yourself how true your strength is, even in the face of your deepest fears.
If changing is so easy to explain and such a powerful concept, how do you go about doing it in a precise way? After all you can’t force change, it’s a process, and you’re trying to change an aspect of yourself. You want to stop fighting around it, and stop trying to hide it.
Luckily, this world is filled with people of all shapes and sizes, and many of these people are open and willing to help those in need. Especially if you need a shoulder to lean on, or to momentarily bend an ear. How do you help get over your insecurities you ask? Why, you open up to those who you care about of course!
Give yourself an opening, start with something small and work your way up, and make sure you’re talking to people who can relate, or at least are somehow tied into the insecurity you have in some way. For instance, if your jealous of one of your best friends for the life you perceive they have that you don’t, talk to them about it.
I’m sure they have insight in the matter, and they can easily help you get over your jealousy, because they’ve probably been there at some point! Or at the very least, they can help rest your fears, give you advice on how to live your life in a different way. They might pen up about how they also have issues, something to help you ease your fear.
Start to bring up problems that you’re having with the people closest to you. Don’t break out into tears each time you do it, show that you have more backbone then that, but opening up to the people around you will help you ease your fear. And they’ll assure you that your fears, however strong they may be, are unfounded, or are unlikely!
From there, the final step in Changing is easy, taking their advice, or what they say to heart. Believe me when I say what they say (so long as it’s warranted, don’t let them judge you, and don’t tear into them, this should be a heart to heart conversation) is them trying to help you.
They are in your corner, they want you to grow, and it’ll give you insight on how they view you and how you can improve. It might suck to hear it, but they’re saying it from the heart.
People (Americans Especially) tend to be individualists, they don’t like to hear what other people say, they just like to complain about stuff. But we need to get into the mindset of the fact that we’re all in this together, sure we need to be able to rely on ourselves when the going gets tough, but working together can solve any problem!
Be truthful with yourself and other people, be Genuine with people, it can only help in the long run!