To Be Outgoing


This is arguably the biggest topic that people ask me about in terms of socialization, social development, and social skills. The one thing that sets people onto the same path that I traveled when learning to get better with people is their desire to change how they look at things. While you should always have the ability to rely on yourself, connecting with people around you and having the skill set to navigate through human communication successfully is a very useful tool.

Even if you don’t act on the opportunity to become good friends with the people you build into a network, having that option you’ll find is usually beneficial to having the option to rely on yourself. The difference between being a loner with zero people skills, and being a hermit with the ability to take life by the throat is usually summed up in one broad sentence “I want to be more outgoing”.

If you’re going to get ahead in life you need to have this option, except for those who have the chance of a lifetime to create a world of their own through the power of computers. Even then, you’ll find that those folks are either super closed off with zero ability to connect with people (which makes one think as to who they operate normally), or are very social, with the desire to see as many people as possible. So you can see that they become social simply through the practice of developing how outgoing they are, usually unintentionally.

In fact that sentence above, that expressed desire to become outgoing (though I quickly learned just how shallow my initial thought of being outgoing was) was one of the few goals I set for myself when I started my journey towards the person that I am today. Whereas the other pillars are things that you need to learn as concepts, things that you need to develop in order for you to complete your journey, become truly happy with yourself and stare the truth in the face, Being Outgoing also encompasses much of the technique that I advocate in learning to navigate social circumstances. Therefore you’ll see a lot of this type of thing pop up in future blog posts of mine.

The one thing that I want to make clear here is the fact that you can be outgoing as the stars themselves without knowing much else. While you may not need to know the other pillars in full to be outgoing, in order to get truly good with other people, you’ll need to analyze the rest of the pillars. At some point you’ll need to stare yourself in the face, find the truth within yourself in order to actually build a foundation of pride, confidence, and ability.

If there’s one concept you can start to practice and learn today, its learning to be outgoing. It might take the longest, or maybe you’ll pick everything up naturally. Regardless it’s as good a starting point as any.

THE BEST WAY TO DEFINE BEING OUTGOING defines Outgoing as “Being Confident in Social Situations”. Not a bad definition in my mind, but unfortunately I feel like it gives an inflection that you need to be confident to be outgoing, which is untrue.

The amazing thing about humanity and our many different dialects is the fact that we’re quite good at giving something a new meaning, simply put, we enjoy using slang. Ask any language expert in world and they can tell you that learning a language from a book, and using it in real life is often one hundred percent different. Because natural speakers use certain words in a different light.

So here I choose that we take advantage of the rare perk. I personally like to use an equation to understand the word. The equation I like to use and that I recommend is this.

Personable + Open-Minded + Well-Versed  = Outgoing

When you use all three of these concepts in tandem (all of which I’ll explain to you shortly), you’ll notice that the techniques that I’ll teach you will help build these traits. More than that, will show you that you can indeed grow to be outgoing without having to build yourself up.

The big reason why I prefer to use that equation, rather than the definition is that I feel it’s slightly easier to understand. Having the fact that your outgoing already under your belt or at least building up to that point, is a good way to build a foundation for Confidence, Self-Esteem and all those other things that you need to build up to in order to be a truly socially developed individual.

But instead of just spewing a ton of techniques at you without proper context, I’ll just leave those for the many blog posts that I’m going to write. I do however want to describe one quick element. The other three aspects are massive, so I’ll touch down on one small thing that’ll help you in the long run of developing your Outgoing aspect of your personality, Friendliness.

When you’re friendly with people, and try to avoid being short or angry with them, the techniques will start to work quickly. Now you don’t have to be a brown-noser, but keeping a good attitude around people will make them more receptive of you and try to make them aware of your intentions.

Oh and one more thing, if you want a quick “good luck” from any group of people, don’t be afraid to admit that you’re trying to develop your social muscle, trying to become outgoing. You’d be surprised of the amount of people who will give you a small cheer, give you a high-five or even just wish you good luck.

It shows that one, you’ve admitted to yourself that you’re not confident, which is the first step to developing all of these things, and it shows that you want something more!


Keeping an open mind is something that I cannot stress enough, for all intents and purposes, when your trying out the techniques, and talking to the people around you, be open to what they’re telling you. Now you don’t need to listen to every jackass on the street, or try everything you read everywhere, but you do need to have the ability and desire to try something new. If you keep your mind closed to everything except trying to be social you’ll never get anywhere for the simply fact of the matter is, meeting new people and learning to converse with the humans around you is an incredibly new experience. I’ve met so many people who’s biggest issue is accepting new concepts and thoughts, yet when they can’t change because they aren’t open-minded, they blame the world around them for not being built-in the manner which they want. The get angry, and throw their hand in the air in exasperation, desire for the world to bend to their whim without them having to change a thing, and rejecting anything and everything because they simply don’t want to try to, don’t want to have that experience of thinking in a new way, or hearing something new, because they don’t want to change.

Tell me, if your mind isn’t open to anything new, how exactly do you expect to change without the willingness to do so? I can already tell you the answer…you don’t.

So remember, when your out there, you need to have an open mind. Keep it open while you’re trying to learn the trade, learning the techniques. Keep it open when others are discussing how they feel. Don’t reject their ideas, passions or emotions, they’ll thank you for it.

When you keep you mind open, you also take in all of life’s valuable lessons, you begin to realize that you can have life the way that you want it, you just need to first learn how. And the only way to do that?

Keep your ears open, your eyes wide, and your mouth shut. Like I said in the Knowledge Article, everyone can teach you something, you just need to keep your ears perked, and your mind open to catch it! More than that when you go out with an open mind, you’ll find that you learn things easier, because it’s not like you’re just absorbing everything and anything, you’re absorbing everything that you have even the slightest inkling that it can help you in some way.

You’re looking at the world around you, and thinking, what can I use? Being open-minded gives you the ability to look at the world differently and allows you to give yourself a breather.

Because the awesome thing about this concept is the fact that it takes a ton of pressure off your shoulders, after all whipping yourself into a frenzy every time you hear something you don’t want to do, or worse completely stonewalling it isn’t good for you. It inflicts negative emotions where they don’t need to be.


This concept can be a little hard to describe, so I’ll do it to the best of my ability. Being personable is generally a roundabout way to describe being friendly, humble, and welcoming.

The reason why it’s so important to be personable in relation to being outgoing is the fact that sometimes, you might experience some push back, this is natural to anything that you’re trying to get good at regardless of what it is. In the midst of such adversity, you need to keep a strong face on.

You might encounter somebody who’s had a bad day, you might experience the aftermath of a fight and be unaware of it when you walk up to your designated target, any number of things can drastically affect someone’s mood, with no way of your knowledge. Regardless of where the adversity comes from, having a good personality on your shoulders can easily get you through it. When other look back on your accomplishments fighting through your troubles with your smile, it’ll reveal a strength within you, and others will feel more like they can trust you. As if they can rely on your strength when they feel as if they have none of their own.

So technically in the long run, being personable with people doesn’t just happen to help you with becoming outgoing, it helps you connect with people, and will be a tool that you can call upon for your whole life. A tool that you can rely on, something that comes from within, develop this, and so long as you choose, it can never be taken away from you.

The best way to analyze the process of becoming personable, is to realize that being personable isn’t a way that you act necessarily. It’s more of a way that you react to people.

You can either get angry or upset or depressed, or you can choose to ignore their crap and choose to be happy in the knowledge that you already know deep in your heart. That you’re an okay individual!

Don’t allow something meager tear you down, and you’ll quickly learn that many things that other people can say or do to you can be ignored as simply as water off a duck, it rolls away. One thing that should be of note is that I’m not asking you to not stand up for yourself, I’m just pointing out that you won’t be as frustrated with many things if you realize that many things can be solved with simpler words, an easier attitude, and a humble smile.

Do your best to please people, but not at the sake of your pride and dignity. But not everything has to be a matter of pride.

When you keep yourself at an even level, it makes it easier to wander outside of your comfort zone, while at the same time you never quite forget that you have a safety net. Go out and experience the world with a face of happiness and a heart filled with humbleness, yet keep your eyes filled with wonder and daring, and I can pretty much guarantee that becoming outgoing will be a cinch compared to just about anything else you take on.


Remember how in the knowledge article I told you to never stop learning? Well I’m going to repeat myself a little bit here. When you go out and learn to be outgoing, entering and exiting every conversation you do, I want you to be learning all that you can, and fine tuning what you already know.

You might make a few people angry or confuse them with some of your antics, but that’s okay, because in the end you’re working on becoming good with people, it’s a process that you won’t learn overnight. So it’ll take a while for you to get good at it, so in the process of you learning to do this, becoming well versed will be something that’ll take constant concentration.

The bad thing about socialization is that it’s such a broad topic, so there’s a lot of information out there of you to absorb, in this department I can give you the simplest of advice, use works for you, and discard what doesn’t. There’s so much information out there, that a lot of it will only act as useless filler, so if you tried something multiple times, and it definitely doesn’t work for you don’t use it. Discard it, open up room for the useful information, after all you’ll find that at some point you’ll lose the useless info for the useful, that’s the end goal.

Developing your process, navigating through the situations through what you learn both in what you learn and your own experiences teaches you more advanced techniques in the realm of social skills. Because truthfully, each of us not only has the capacity to become a socially adept person, each one of us will become a dominant entity in the world in our own right, simply by channeling the power within us.

A combination of the two can create a pathway to access those abilities and with the knowledge of your previous ventures behind you, you’ll not only achieve your goals, you’ll show yourself a new avenue of thinking. A new way to find your desires and the ability to create a destiny of your own!

Being well-versed in social situations will create an atmosphere around you of both intelligence and action, which can turn your life around when you come to the realization that those are truly the only two things you need to accomplish the things you want to. Confidence, Self-Esteem, those are internal process that assist in the matter, assist in life, all of them are necessary for you to take action, but the fact of the matter is what you need in your life is a calling. And with both the confidence and a calling to follow , to be well-versed can help you a hundred times out of a hundred.


Okay, so if you remember, earlier in this article I briefly mentioned that you can learn to be outgoing without having your confidence and the other pillars straightened out. I’d like to get into that a little bit, explain the difference between this pillar concept and the others.

Most of the other pillars, Confidence, Self-esteem, Genuine, Passion, and Motivation, these are things that you have to face yourself, they’re entirely internal processes that you must master if you’re going to take control of your life and truly take control of your interactions with other people. The others, Knowledge and Outgoing, these two are what’s known as external processes, you can learn to master these while learning about yourself with the other five. But what I mean here is that you don’t need all of these other processes nailed down tight just to try to teach yourself to be social!

As you go through your life, Confidence is something that requires you to have faith in yourself, but you can go out and speak to as many people as you desire without it. At those times you have another motive in mind, the desire to get better!

With that desire in mind, you can easily develop and progress your outgoing state of mind After all, I’ve met plenty of people who’ve had the people skills of an ant, yet they’re the most confident people in the world. They just come across as quiet, but when they unleash on what they love to do, it paints a whole different picture.

At the same time I’ve seen the opposite, outgoing people with deep internal confidence issues, they’re just amazing at talking to people!

Come To think of it, learning to be outgoing, more often than not can attributed to massive advancements in becoming confident! After all, it is learning the techniques behind a skill set. That in and of itself is often interpreted as helping enforce the confidence in somebody because of the fact that you’re not only growing in confidence because of what you’re discovering about yourself internally.

It’s showing you that you have the ability to take on new challenges because of what you’re forcing yourself to do, so in an odd way, the two pillars actually help build upon themselves. Which is something you’ll find happening a lot when you start working through all of pillars, so don’t be afraid jump off the couch while you still have time, and go find out what works!


Stevenson Grey

P.S. When you start finding you the most optimum route through the different situations that you encounter, it’s a very smart idea for you to build yourself a journal filled with notes!

I’ve always advocated writing things down, simply for the fact that humans are quite susceptible to forgetting things, so this actually does two things for you. One, it gives you a secondary place to find the knowledge in a way that you can easily digest, and two it usually helps reinforce your own memory, because it associates another source of knowledge, something personal!