Man, what a crazy day this has been, I almost forgot about this post. This week, is all about Genuine Compliments, what it means to give one, the misconceptions behind them, and the tragic nature behind compliments these days. Also, if you read to the end, i’ll give you a surprise this week.
I know what you’re asking yourself. How’re you going to create an entire article behind the topic of compliments?
Like This, Cue Curtain.
Why Don’t Compliments Mean Anything Anymore?
Compliments, what a powerful force they should be. Wit’s the birth of flirting, people who aren’t the best at talking to other people often revert back to constant compliments as a way of communicating with each other.
After all, how else should you attract a mate other then telling them what you like about them? Should be foolproof.
Compliments aren’t meant to be used as a ticket to bang town. You’re out of your mind if you think somebody’s going to go out without if they only know what YOU like about THEM.
One of the biggest reasons why compliments don’t mean anything anymore is because of how freely they’re given out. This tool is super overused, and shows off a lot of desperation, especially if you have super attentive body language.
You’re basically screaming at people TALK TO ME.
We all know that there’s more about somebody then just that awesome hairdo, or cool tattoo, people want you to see that. Which is what a compliment is supposed to be used for, to show appreciation, not to desperately try and attract someone.
The Tragic Nature Behind Compliments
The truth about the matter is, compliments aren’t very effective, if your approaching somebody and just saying it, compliments are kind of an art form, and if your looking for something from someone, then they’re cheapened.
You have to have a specific mindset if your going to give someone a compliment. They’re meant to be used sparingly, and certainly won’t help you in conversation if you use them for something other then what they’re meant to do.
Think about it, many people go into conversation, and they use a compliment, to basically say, hey your cool…now tell me something nice back. They walk up, compliment a girl, and then if she doesn’t compliment back, they won’t say anything. They do however get the slightest glimmer of an frustration or sadness, even just for a second, because you didn’t give them validation.
What? Does she really have to something nice to me just because I complimented how her hair falls nicely? Not really, people want to be complimented on stuff that matters, and they want to be appreciated for the things that are genuine, or that pick them out of a crowd.
Don’t cheapen how important something like that is. Don’t give out a compliment just because you’re fishing for attention, it’s petty.
So Then, How do I Give Out A Compliment?
It’s much simpler then you’d think. Giving a compliment has to be something that you want to do, not something your doing just for the sake of getting something out of it. If you’re going to compliment somebody, do it when it counts.
Say something super nice, and friendly, and from the heart. If you’re going to give a true compliment, be genuine about it!
A compliment is supposed to show appreciation right? Unless you take the mindset of, that person is cool because of “Insert trait, clothing, or mannerism”, a compliment is going to sound phony, because you don’t really give a shit.
If, however, you do actually think that it’s cool that his tattoos say something awesome in Chinese, because you can read Chinese, you’ll totally mean it when you tell him that.
You’ll find yourself taking on a different approach, when you give them a compliment, that compliment will pop up in your mind before you say it. People are good like that. If you want something from someone, it’s going got be reflected in your body language. After all, most of what your saying isn’t coming out of your mouth.
Whit this new mindset, you’ll find yourself being calm, not a tiny bit wired. Your body language will reflect as being collected, because it’s no big deal that you’re giving them the compliment, you just genuinely wanted to show them appreciation.
Also, don’t give out too many, too many compliments makes you look fake, even if you don’t mean to. It looks like you’re saying it, but you don’t really mean it, it’s less important because in like another 5 minutes your going to give them another compliment.
Save compliments for when they can be of use, they’re a useful tool, if you let them be. But then, how exactly do I put them to use?
Here’s the surprise!
Social Exercise: Compliment and Dash
Yep, I’m giving you my second social exercise this week, because it all just flowed so nicely together. I’m going to finish tonight up with my exercise, the Compliment and Dash.
This exercise is awesome for learning to be genuine with what you say, it places importance on being honest, because you’ll become used to being genuine with people.
I also helps a lot with getting over approach anxiety, because it involves so many conversations, you’d be surprised how often people try to get you to stay in conversation. Most times when I go out and work on my Two Minute Talks, I also work on this, they work well together.
This one is pretty simple, and doesn’t take much time to complete. Much like with two minute talks, you’ll step in and out of conversations pretty rapidly. So, you’ll want an area with a lot of people, like a mall or a busy park, or the downtown area of most towns or cities (if it’s warm of course).
Here’s the process, you step up, engage someone or a group of someone’s as the case may be. You get their attention. Shake their hand, introduce yourself, and try to get their name. Engage in some idle chit chat for a minute or so, then just say something similar to.
“Excuse me, I would be kicking myself all day if I didn’t come over here and tell you how beautiful your smile is.” or something else to that affect. The Compliment isn’t the most important part, the important part is that you let them know how appreciative you are about how beautiful their smile is, because you had to take time out of your day to appreciate it.
Basically, your telling them, hey, your smile caught me from across the room, and I had to come tell you how beautiful it is. You’re telling them something that you think, something you believe to be true, and that right there, is truly genuine.
Oh, and if you have nothing more to say after the compliment, thank them for their time, turn around, and take off. Or if you like them, and they’re rather good looking, don’t be afraid to stick around for another couple seconds, you’d be amazed at what you find.