You Seem Cool

You Seem Cool

Happy February everybody! This month, I thought I’d start to dive into dating advice! I promised everybody that I would eventually, and since this is the month of love, why not? Something’s been bugging me lately.

Why is it that why are so afraid of asking somebody for their number?

Whatever happened to asking a girl for her number? Why is it that when it comes to trying to ask for somebody’s number, we suddenly freak out? Even if your comfortable as hell with it now, like some of us are, we can all look back and cringe at how frustrating crossing that boundary was just trying to gather the fortitude to say those 5 words.

“Can I have your number?”

Shortly after that, life would just flash by like some weird photo montage. You felt sweat drip from your forehead and you’d think you were about to throw up just waiting to hear her reply. Okay…maybe that’s a little overly dramatic, but you get the point.

Asking a girl, or really anyone, for their number has been blown way out of proportion. Coming of age movies and puberty have really skewed the picture of asking someone for their number. In all honesty, it doesn’t have to be scary. In fact, if you simply attach a different feeling to the matter through practice, it can become a rush.

That rush that comes with flirting with females, at first it gets perceived as fear. Like everything else in this whole skill set, everything I teach, it comes with practice! I had a huge problem with this when I was younger, hated doing it. I got really good at face to face conversations, but I never got further then the initial encounter because I wouldn’t ask them for it.

Full disclosure, it used to scare the shit out of me. But I knew there had to be a way to do it. I knew that at some point, I was going to have to get over my fear of asking for people’s, specifically pretty girls, numbers.

Eventually I decided to make a point to go out and just figure out how to do it. So I complied all the data here, and created an exercise around, which I call….

The “You Seem Cool” Exercise!

This is the third of seven exercises that I’ve always kept in my roster to work on my social muscles in the field. To me, you have both field practice, the core practices that helps you communicate with people and build relationships, then you have the theory, the things you learn that help better your ability to do so. You seem cool just became one of those things that went from practice, to habit.

Phone 1
“Can I Have Yo Number?”

How this came about, is that I thought that if you ask for peoples number that aren’t scared of, and work your way up. Think about it, if you keep pushing against the path of most resistance, you’re going to find it difficult to proceed. So I just started asking for peoples numbers based on how I feel about them.

Let me explain a little bit so I don’t come across as confusing or insulting. Everybody feels differently about different people right? So I started with people the I knew pretty well but didn’t hangout with, like co-workers, a couple classmates, ect.

Afterward I moved onto people that I wanted to hangout with and get to know more, then people who I didn’t really know, but felt comfortable with when I talked to them. As I moved through the ranks and kept asking for numbers, I developed the forethought to just ask for every person’s number, even if I had no intention of calling them again. It’s an address book after all, you can go through and empty it.

Eventually I was just asking everybody I thought was neat for their phone numbers. Have each of those numbers turned into friendships? No, but I still got them to develop the habit of asking for those number. That way, it transferred the habit over when I met women that I thought were cool or gorgeous.

If you are nervous, or unsure of how to ask someone for their number, just say the following sentence! When you’re are nearing the end of the conversation, and you’ve decided to ask for their number just say something along the lines of the following:

“You seem cool, and I feel like we kind of hit it off, how about we trade numbers and stay in contact?”

9/10, chances are they’ll say yes…

So this exercise is about building repetition. It’s goal is to take you from not having the ability to ask for numbers and force yourself into a habit of asking for every number! It’s easy to see how you can build it. So here’s the order in which you do this exercise.

Step 1: Ask for every person in your life that you’re semi close with, who’s number you DON’T have already

Step 2: After that, ask every person that you know but aren’t that close with for their number the next time you talk to them

Step 3: When you meet interesting people for the first time in your day-to-day life, make it a point to get their number

and finally…

Step 4: Immerse yourself, ask for the number of every person that you enjoyed talking to, you can always delete the number later if you never wind up contacting them, but this is to just break down that internal resistance you pose yourself when trying to ask for numbers!

negativespace-15

There are two really awesome bonuses that come with working on this exercise. Number one is pretty obvious, you can easily tie this into many of the conversations that develop from your Two Minute Talks and the Compliment & Dash. What I mean by this is that when a talk goes from two minutes to say ten minutes, you can just ask for the number because obviously you two had a lot in common.

The second actually comes as a result of meeting so many interesting people and just talking to them. What you’ll usually find is that you vibe with a few of them better then you thought. Next thing you know, you’ve developed solid friendships with some pretty cool people.

That I can tell you from experience. I know my buddy Ahmee because of that exercise, I re-connected with an old friend from the neighborhood and her then fiancé, and attended their wedding! I know my friends Ricky and Chelsea and a cast of a whole bunch of characters because of that exercise!

This exercise both eliminates your fear of asking for a number, and develops friendships in weird places! This is honestly one of my best exercises in the belt, and I will personally guarantee that you’ll see results from it!

Avidazen,

Stevenson Grey