Nightlife: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

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Nightlife: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Before we dive into things HAPPY MARCH! This is one of my favorite months of the year, though at the moment it’s decidedly too Snowy for my tastes up here in Michigan for what’s supposed to be the spring time!

This month we’ll be focusing more on the nightlife simply because of St. Patrick’s day, which is easily one of the biggest drinking holidays we have. For an Irish man such as myself, this is a special time of year.

So, I decided to write a post based around what I’ve learned about Nightlife, more specifically the worst and best advice I’ve ever received about meeting people at night.

When I started this whole thing, I used to go out every night of the week to bars and clubs. I’d sit there staring at my drink most of the night, and try to gather the fortitude to go and speak to people. Normally, I’d be greeted with strange stares, or i’d be completely ignored.

For a while, I wasn’t sure what I was doing wrong, after all, I’d always bought into the facade that movies present us with. Just go to a bar and you WILL get laid.

Was a little ludicrous? Yeah, i’ll admit it was, but I didn’t have much else to play off of, so every night I went out. Eventually, a few people started noticing me! But, I quickly learned that while advice was useful, you’d have to ignore a lot of it.

The Worst Advice I ever RECEIVED about Nightlife – The Bad

The first advice that I received from a complete stranger about Nightlife was from this girl, who’s name escapes me. She was a blonde, and she’d totally just watched me get completely shut out by a group of people I’d tried to start a conversation with. She decided to come over, chat with me for a bit, and told me literally, the worst advice I’ve ever received on the subject of Nightlife.

“You can’t approach people at night, nobodies looking to go home with a guy or meet new people, they just want a night out with their friends”. And with that, she was gone.

So for a while, that’s how I did things, I never spoke to anyone, shoot I rarely went out at all. It was super boring. I wanted to get way better, but if people don’t like to be approached at night, how on earth was I supposed to go about it? Enter, the second person that I received advice from.

The Best Advice I ever got about nightlife – The Good

This was actually something I spotted on an old website that I used to go to. Mind you, this was back during my Pick Up Artist days, so I was vastly different.

I posted on a forum, frustrated that I was getting no where at night. I got no responses for a few days, when suddenly a ping popped up in my email that someone had responded. It was from a user who’s name I won’t reveal out of sheer courtesy. I had explained my problem and the advice I got.

The user commented something similar to that woman. Basically the gist of it was…

“It’s always a little bit nerve-racking getting approached by strangers, simply because nobody likes getting approached by someone who’s going to throw off the vibe of the group. People like talking to friendly, nice, and adventurous individuals who are going to help make the night a blast. You’re goal, is to approach people and make sure that first and foremost that you’re doing things to make sure everyone is having a good time. Turn yourself into a friend of the group, and you’re in like flint.”

Boom…Mind melted. That makes so much more sense! It’s not that people don’t want to be approached, they just want to be approached by someone who isn’t going to be perceived as a threat!

So then, my focus switched over to making sure that people were having a good time first and foremost. I became pretty good at that. It’s quite simple, if you see a group that you’d like to approach (whether it’s because of somebody attractive or you just want to see if their cool) you need to make sure that you’re speaking loud enough, and that you’re interacting with the WHOLE GROUP.

In fact, you’ll find that most coaches, including Chase Amante, Marcus Oakey, Neil Strauss and many others ALL do this exact thing!

They interact with the whole group and make sure that they aren’t excluding people so that when they start to attract the girls they entered the set for, they don’t have that extra wall of resistance. Or they do it simply because engaging the whole group is much easier then trying to engage one person at a time.

I liken it to the theory of becoming friends with your girlfriends friends. Sure you and her can have a super passionate, loving relationship, you treat her well and pull out all the stops for her. But if you don’t become friends with the people she surrounds herself with, you’ll always have that wall of resistance.

Same thing goes for your friends, if you bring a negative jerk of a guy into your friend group and the others don’t like him, it’s not going to be that much of a surprise that nobody is going to want them around. So, while you’re out, remember that going into the nightlife.

The Truth About Nightlife

The fact of the matter is that few people go out by themselves at night. I’m not saying that everybody goes out with friends, after all I go out by myself quite frequently, but it’s uncommon for people to go out by themselves. So you’ll usually have to become friends with multiple people to get them on your side if you want to have an easier time with it.

Nightlife isn’t about going out and just hooking up with people. Sure that can happen, but it’s surprising to me at least how many people say a night sucked just because they didn’t bang someone.

When people are out at bars or clubs, they’re out to meet people in general. So if you go in with the mindset of “I’m out here to have a good time and meet someone, and who knows, maybe I’ll meet someone special”, you’re chances of that happening increase drastically then if you walk out the door saying to yourself “I’m DTF”.

So remember next time you’re out there, chasing the moonbeams and having a good time out, if you’re more focused on having a good time, you’re value increases, and that means that more people are going to be receptive to you approaching them!

Just think on it!


Stevenson Grey

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