5 Steps to Make Friends at a Bar

5 Steps to Make Friends at a Bar

How’d you like to go out each night, become the center of attention at every bar you entered, and leave brimming with confidence with the hopes of having a whole new social group build around you?

What If I told you it was entirely possible?

Better yet, what if I gave you steps that you could follow starting tonight to help you build that thriving social nightlife? Would that be something that would assist all of you in building your friend groups?

Personally, I prefer to meet people during the day. That’s just my bag, I’m weird like that. I’ll always say that everybody has their own style, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love Nightlife. The thriving social vibes that run through Detroit are awesome at night, and I often times find myself in downtown as I run rampant from bar to bar.

There are steps that I’ve noticed, that help you build up a presence in any community. The steps aren’t exactly the same, but the theory behind making friends and becoming popular in any scene is remarkably similar. So because I’m focusing on Nightlife this month, I decided to give you guys an in depth look on how to build a presence in you’re community at clubs, bars, and the like.

If you’re this far already, and you’re still interested AWESOME! I’ll stop babbling, and we can dive right into it. So here it is, 5 steps to help you build friendships in the nightlife scene! Cue Curtain…

Step 1: Start Going out more often

7195317812_12242bec1e_z

Yes, it does bear mentioning that you DO need to start getting out there more often. If you’ve decided to pursue building a social circle around the nightlife of you’re particular city, it’s going to require you to start going out at night. Now, don’t fall into the mindset that you need to find your wingmen to go with you. In fact a lot of times when I decide to go out to a bar or something of the like, I go by myself!

One dating coach of particular renown that I’ve been a huge fan of for a while now is named David Wygant. This man is a genius when it comes to getting out and meeting women. David is an advocate of going out to these places by yourself. In this article he wrote a few years back, he explains how a wingman throws another element into the equation that you really can’t predict how they’re going to work out. Going out by yourself also forces you to get better at conversation quickly so that you can learn to work around entire groups at once AND so that you don’t need to rely on others to accomplish your goals in the interaction!

While there is a disadvantage if you try to go after attractive women if she’s surrounded by protective friends, it gives you the chance to be a little more free and not have to worry about taking friends home. Regardless of how you decide to go out, the point is that YOU GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE! This type of crowd is liable to be very caught up in the party scene, which means that if you’re going to commit to meeting a lot of people in this scene, you’ll have to jump on the bandwagon.

If you are going out, you should also make sure that you’re not interfering with your work schedule. If you work part time, it’s not that big of a deal. But if you work a full time schedule, I would recommend you go out only on the weekends. That way you can yield the highest return by going out early and leaving really late.

Now when I say the weekends, I mean Fridays and Saturdays. Some places will stay open late on Thursdays and Sundays, so if you decide to go out those nights that’s always an option. But I am sure you’ll normally find that Fridays and Saturdays are a little busier, which gives you a better chance to meet more people!

One solid bet is to ask a friend of yours who’s a little more “hip” (Is that slang word outdated? I can’t tell…). Most of us have at least one buddy or family member who enjoys going out. So if you need some solid advice for going out and finding a venue, you should get in touch with them and either ask them to take you out, or just grab a place to hit and adventure on your own.

Either way is fine by me, so long as you’ve decided to go by your own volition. One of the biggest things I preach is REPETITION. This is going to be hard to stick to, everything new you try to learn is going to. There’s going to be a billion and one excuses to not do something, and one reason to keep going.

That It’s worth it.

That’s why I push people to do so many things, that’s why the people who dedicate themselves all say the same things. Everything you want to accomplish is going to take a lot of work. Nothing worth accomplishing is going to come easy, it’s going to take a lot of hours of pounding the pavement! So if you want it, work for it, BECAUSE IT’S WORTH IT!

Step 2: Discover the Places you Like Best

2502687853_e146692094_z

There are three major things that help you build a consistent friend group at night, and that’s by learning and frequenting the places you like best. The first is the type of atmosphere you enjoy? Do you prefer a dance bar filled with lots of high energy people? Do you prefer nightclubs that are just like dance bars but allow things like V.I.P bottle service or anything like that? Or maybe you enjoy dive bars that have the same crowd every night.

The second is the frequency of people you’d like to meet. Do you want to build friendships with a few close people? Do you want to meet new people every night? Whatever the case, you’ll want to make sure that the places that you’re going to reflects it.  On top of that, realize that if you’re hitting the same few bars each night, you’ll also notice that Fridays and Saturday nights are busier!

The third and the final thing to take into account is the TYPE of people you’re likely to meet. For example, at most bars such as dive bars or even places like Bar Louie, you’ll probably meet a lot of sports types. BUT, they’re much more prevalent at sports bars. If you don’t like sports all that much, and prefer high energy individuals, you’re more likely to gravitate more towards dance bars that are filled with people who prefer an atmosphere like that.

Regardless of where it is that you go, you’ll need to realize that every place is going to have its ups and downs. Many dive bars are going to be more low-key, and yet at the same time, many people that go these places to just relax and drink, so they may not be as open to conversation. Clubs and dance bars are normally going to be super busy and more pricey! Normally I find that sports bars are filled with more guys (which isn’t an issue unless you’re trying to find some a soft personality to hang out with for the night), so they’re likely to be more girls coming with their boyfriends to the bar. So ultimately, you’ll need to take the pros and cons together as is the case with most situations.

Step 3: Keep up with new spots

5633608374_07ea320ba4_m

One thing to be said about this community is that bars and clubs are NEVER going to go out of style. People are always going to want to go out and spend a night or two out at a bar drinking. Which in turn means that there is constantly going to be new places opening up! After you figure out where your favorite places are, make sure to keep an eye for new places similar to that style to check out.

For instance, I’m a really big fan of dance bars, it’s just my thing. I happen to enjoy going out to louder bars with hip hop music and dance floors with lots of pretty ladies on them. So living downtown and keeping an eye for more places like that is kind of natural. Personally, I never really go to places when they first open, it’s TOO crowded to the point where I can’t even make it to the bar. But I do love to check out newer places!

On top of that, I often find that when you check out a bunch of new places, including places that you might have gone to before based on the culture there, that it opens you up to a new type of individual and you’ll never know who you might click with at that type of bar! So don’t be afraid to check out that cool new speakeasy you heard about that’s a couple blocks from your house, or that amazing new nightclub that you heard of from one of the people you met recently!

There’s also something to be said about leaving your normal bar culture in favor of something new. You may be a bar fly and enjoy the dive bars closest to your apartment but if you go check out that new bar opening up in a neighborhood not too far away, it’s attractive because it’s clear that you’re willing to step outside of that comfort zone AND that you’re okay with it! You aren’t limited to places that you’re just comfortable at, you can adapt to different situations with ease! So never under estimate the power behind just hoping out of that zone! In fact, every coach on the planet that has anything to do with Dating, Maturing, Social Skills Development, anything of that nature is going to say that at some point you’re going to need to get over you’re social anxiety (which all of us know that it’s not an easy process) and learn to step out of you’re shell!

It’s important to feel comfortable, it really is. But at the same time its important to realize that staying comfortable, and being afraid are two different things. Comfort and complacency are similar, yet different. Comfort is being able to tackle new situations that you may not be entirely okay with, but knowing that everything is going to work out fine! Complacency is avoiding new situations and change because deep down you fear that you won’t be able to handle the new situation and so you stay firmly rooted in your “comfort zone”. Become comfortable, and avoid complacency!

Step 4: Dress to Impress

Men's_and_women's_fashion,_Sydney_Cup,_Randwick,_1937,_March_1937_Sam_Hood

If you haven’t figured this one out yet, you should dress to impress. Now let me be clear here, that doesn’t mean you need to break out the tuxedo to go to a dive bar twice a week. But you do need to have a sense of style, one that matches your personality and your body type! It’s important that what you wear reflects your personality correctly AND doesn’t make you look like a slob.

So in a sense, the clothes that you wear should reflect what gets you the best reception from other people and at the same time makes you feel the best. Personally, I’m a pretty skinny dude. I happen to wear plaid shirts, slim straight jeans or cargo shorts, converse at almost all times and a cap that has the Flash symbol on it almost ALL the time. When I got started doing all this I mostly wore large baggy sweat shirts, jeans that were way too big that I had to hold up. It wasn’t a good look, I got style wrong quite a few times, but over the years I’ve learned to temper and stoke the fire of my creativity with clothing.

If you don’t know where to start, a solid place that I recommend is to start taking a look at the Real Men Real Style blog run by the amazing Antonio Centro. Antonio is a juggernaut on everything men’s style related. He founded a company call ATailoredSuit.com and built the blog around high end mens style, but eventually moved it into everything related to mens fashion. He can help you build a wardrobe around your style and body type!

So after you start picking up some clothes that look good AND make you feel good, you need to start incorporating some things that you enjoy to make it truly you. As just a frame of reference, my flash caps are one way to make me stand out. I have a pair of welding goggles I wear often, and I have a few unique ties that I wear to help me stand out. They help show my personality a little better. Ultimately, you want to be build a sense of style that helps you be more comfortable with yourself and shows off your personality.

Want to try and get mohawk? Go for it! Try busting out a nice slim sports coat or ties with that button up shirt, these eccentricities really make the difference! Try unique things that you’ve always wanted to, that’s the only real way to figure out whether it looks good or not! I’ve seen some pretty goofy things on people, some of best pickup artists on the planet wear ridiculous things to help themselves peacock!

Step 5: Be More Social!!

This is one that seems like it’s a moot point to bring up. But believe me when I say that it’s easier said then done! This community in particular is very large, very shallow, and yet very social. Things move very quickly, and most people are out to have fun.

That means that any interaction you have is going to be heavily dependent on your ability to be social with just about everyone! It’s a solid idea to speak to as many people as possible your first times going out, that way you can get exposed to that mentality of speaking with a lot of people. If you’ve read anything about social proof, this is one solid way to go about it. If not, there are a couple solid articles to look at. Just take a look at the articles listed below:

Social Proof: The Social Butterfly EffectThe Social Write

How To Use Social Proof To Get Girls – Chase Amante

Chase Amante is one suave dude. I haven’t gotten the chance to speak with him like I have with many other coaches in the industry, but from what I can tell he works wonders with women. Every piece of advice I’ve taken from him and used in field is amazing. Though it bears saying that his blog is much more geared towards picking up women (whereas this blog tries to be more well round by building social skills as a foundation first). But chances are if you’re looking to start embracing nightlife you’re looking for meeting more women to become much more frequent, right?

Regardless, using social proof is a solid way to get you started here, just make sure that you read through both articles to grab ahold of what Social Proof means. When you’re going out, it bears mentioning that you may encounter a situation where you’re trying to prove that you aren’t quite and become a huge jerk! You need to avoid that however possible! Make sure you’re still being courteous and yourself out there without pushing it too far. It’s a little tricky, but at first its a solid idea to just go out, talk to people, and have a good time, don’t try and impress everyone in the room!

Just remember that all things considered, this is about having a good time, getting out of your shell and learning some new things, and meeting new people. It’s going to be tough to start getting out of your shell, but remember that you have this whole community of people that want you to progress as much as you do! If you have any questions at all, you can feel free to message me here, ask question a over at our facebook page or tweet at us and we’ll get in touch with you as quickly as possible!

So now, I have a challenge for all of you! I’d love to see some pictures or hear some new stories from those who decide to take the plunge and join the nightlife community across the planet! Either send us a photo over of some new people you’ve just met, or tell us a crazy story of your favorite night out! We want to hear from you guys!

Avidazen,

Stevenson Grey