Why you NEED to Stop Future Projecting
Why you NEED to Stop Future Projecting
Man I absolutely HATE Future Projecting. Like on a cellular level I despise future projecting. I’ve struggled with it for a long time, and only recently have I been making bigger strides in combating Future Projecting in my own life. The dangerous ideal behind future projecting are super confusing, and a lot of people get so wrapped in mental thought processes that it essentially freaks people out!
The issue behind Future Projecting is the fact that so few people actually know what it is, how it occurs, and what to do when it starts to pop up! Future projection, in my own experience, happens when you start seeing someone that you think of romantically on a regular basis. What future projection is, is those times when you find yourself drifting off and thinking about the future of your relationship.
We’ve ALL done it, and to be honest, it’s one of the biggest mistakes you can make as it so easily derails relationships when done in excess. It’s such a big mistake that many dating coaches across the planet actually quote Future projecting as one of the “deadly sins” of dating! It distracts us in our everyday life, it messes with the chemicals in our brain, and most dangerous of all is that it causes us to become too invested in a relationship too early!
Personally, that was my biggest issue for a while, and recently it popped up and really screwed with my head. I won’t go into the specifics, but I managed to let down my guard a little bit too much with this girl that I met who’d recently gotten out of a relationship and she hooked me. For whatever reason, she kept popping up in my brain and I would sit there and just indulge in the thoughts of building a relationship with this girl…who I didn’t even really know honestly.
So of course when things collapsed (which I already knew was going to happen) of course I had a hell of a time getting it out of my head. Shoot, I basically went through relationship withdrawals over some girl that I barely knew, and it drove me nuts! So I decided to write this extremely short post on how to start pushing against Future Projection, and have managed to extract two common sense based rules to help you work through your bouts of Future Projection so that you don’t become a slave to your daydreams!
#1 – See Other People
This one you should be doing anyways, as every coach on the planet is going to recommend it too you. Whether you’re dating around because you want to date a bunch of people, whether you’re simply in the relationships with these people strictly for sex, whether you’re currently dating around and looking for a relationship, the key here is that you need to be DATING AROUND! Unless you’re in a committed monogamous relationship, you should be seeing other people.
This is crucial no matter what gender you are, what sexual orientation you are, doesn’t matter. If you only focus on dating one person at a time Future Projecting is going to be a problem for you! It puts you too heavily into the scarcity mindset, which either makes you settle for whoever is willing to date you OR will continue driving you insane. When you’re in the dating game, you need to be focused on an abundance mindset (I’ll explain the two mindsets in a later post so for now enjoy the links!).
The thought of there only being ONE person in the entire world for you on a planet filled with 7.125 BILLION people is kind of ludicrous. To be perfectly honest, if that’s really the case, you’re going to be freaking out about it! The truth is that there are a TON of people that you could be compatible with and that would make great long term partners, after all there’s no such thing as a PERFECT relationship is there. Plus how do you know that you’re “Soul Mate” isn’t on the other side of the planet speaking a completely different language huh?
No, start getting out there and seeing other people, instead of just focusing on one person at a time, try seeing two, or three. If you start to date a few different people then it opens up your range of options when it comes to settling down (if that’s what your looking for). At this point, you won’t be daydreaming about the person you’r going to get married to even though you’ve only been on one date. Your daydreams won’t stop entirely, but they’ll become less frequent because you won’t be thinking to youreself that “SHE/HE’S THE ONE!” every time you start to date someone.
#2 – Calling Yourself Out
This one works remarkably well when it comes to getting away from Future Projecting! I actually got this idea a couple years back from this video I watched from RDSMax about approach anxiety. In it, Max says that Approach Anxiety can be combated by calling yourself out when you feel it. I got it in my brain, that maybe it could help deal with Future Projection, and as it turns out it does when done in repetition!
As it turns out, calling yourself has totally revolutionized the way I handle future projecting. As soon as you start calling yourself out, shake it off and simply keep moving forward. The concept behind this is to realize that you are having those thought, acknowledge them OUT LOUD, then accept that you had them and move on, and it works!
Calling yourself out does two things really solid things for you, first and foremost, similarly to when your expressing your emotions aloud, it brings them into the real world. As in, you bring into the physical world that it is exactly what you’re doing (For another example as to when this is helpful, check out this article). Which helps out because when you’re in the thralls of it, I’m sure that there’s a thousand other things you CAN be dong at the moment that your daydreaming is distracting you from. Snap out of it and get back to the thing! The thing is vastly more important then that person you’ve gone on a single date with!
The second thing it does is it helps you realize just how ludicrous you’re being in the moment, thing about it this way (and know I’m not making fun of anyone except myself here). If you’re already so invested in this person, nothing is going to work out! Think about it this way, there’s a quote (and a fact of life) that I absolutely hate, the quote says “whoever cares less in a relationship has the power.”.
That’s not something meant to discourage you, as it’s meaning is a little more obscure. People want you to care, they want you to get invested, but not too early! They want you to care when things begin to get serious. It puts too much pressure on a forming intimate bond if it’s too early. That’s why people don’t like others who are too forward or “creepy”, it’s too forward. Before you start dreaming about your future with this person, realize that you don’t know this person yet!
Don’t be in such a rush to fall in love with them. Give your budding relationship the time int needs to grow and form into what it is before trying to force an outcome! All you’re going to do it set yourself up for heartbreak.