Getting Back Out There
Getting Back Out There
So awhile ago, I wrote a post on When Things Fall Apart, a guide to help you get through the times in your life when everything feels like your world has fallen to pieces. I aimed for a guide that would help in every situation. Whether you’re going through a breakup, your business fell apart, anything like that. As a consequence, I actually received a few questions regarding a matter relating to the post. After you’ve gone through the steps to make sure you’re okay, after you’ve process the anger and frustration, everybody’s going to come to this point. Which begs the question…
“When am I ready to get back out there?”
When are you REALLY ready to take those leaps of faith, get back into dating, get back to building businesses, getting back to whatever it was that fell apart on you. How do you know when you’ve moved past the point of frustration? How do you know when everything has calmed down enough to start looking upward alongside looking forward? And most importantly, how do you know when you’re really ready to get back on the horse and continue your path upwards? When is it time to get back out there?
No one knows for sure the exact time each of us are “ready”, but there are several signs that you can use to help you determine and decide whether your willing to even start the journey outside! The first thing to note is the fact that your even curious as to whether your ready, that’s an awesome sign right there! That means that even if you aren’t sure that your ready, your at least on the pathway to being where you want! Think about it, while it may be a little ludicrous to think that we for sure know when that exact moment is the fact of the matter is that you’re curious, you’re looking around, you’re becoming antsy that in might be time, or whether it might be time…in other words, you’re getting hungry to move upwards in your life again.
Personally, I experienced the steps below very recently. After my world collapsed in on itself I took the time necessary to regain ground. I don’t think I’m completely ready to take on the full brunt, but I’ve definitely taken my hits and worked through most of the things I was struggling with! So as a result, I thought it might help to lay out what I figured out along the way, and give you the information that I dug up. The first and most important step in my opinion is…
You’ve Completely Processed the Emotions
I can’t tell you how important this is. You need to have moved through all the emotions involved with the situation. You’ve gone through the periods where you’re sad and upset, the periods where you might get a little obsessive with the good times, the periods where your super focused on being angry. Those periods that we each hit at our low points, it’s extremely important that you process those emotions and acknowledge that they’re there. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t want to become a slave to those emotions (and it can happen) you just want to accept that you’re feeling the way that you do and work through them.
As I stated in a few of my articles, people spend so much time denying how they truly feel, and as a result those exact feelings stay with you for a long time, unwilling to dissipate due to the fact that you just won’t stare them in the face and accept that they’re there. When you’re ready to get back out there, you’ve worked through the emotions that tie you unwillingly to the situation you exited from. You aren’t obsessed with how they made you feel, you aren’t blinded by good memories or bad, that is the point when you’ve become emotionally free. Now how long this will truly take, I’m not sure. After all, some people remain emotionally unavailable forever, they don’t ever feel truly past the events in their lives.
With that being said, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still try. When you’ve completed the journey, and you know that you’ve decided to move past the prior events and decided that working towards something new is worth it, that is the first step in being ready to try again.
You Have a Plan to Move Forward With
This might need a bit of clarification, as it’s not like you need a totally nailed down plan in order to proceed. What you’re looking for are a few goals to get you driving forward again. Whether they be old goals that you may or may not have lost sight of in the circumstances prior to this, or new goals that you’ve decided upon is irrelevant. The important part is knowing them in particular.
Remember that when you’re searching for your goals, they may not be the exact ones that you’d think of initially. You need both long term goals and short term goals in this situation, things you can accomplish quickly and boost up your confidence. A couple solid ones are learning to play a couple songs on guitar, reading a classic novel, finishing an unfinished painting. You’re basically looking for a couple short term projects you can get a quick start on and finish in short order.
In terms of long term goals obviously you want to have a couple clear ideas on what you’re looking for. Basically one, two if possible, points that would give you a solid path to start yourself out on. Ideally, it’d be good to have them be related to your short term goals, but that’s not really necessary, it only helps with the convenience, which to be honest should be that last thing on your mind when you’re getting back on your feet. You want to have something big that you’re working towards, something that gives you a new focus in your life other then the world churning circumstances that you’ve now gotten away from.
You’ve Learned the Lessons
The lessons you learn from your circumstances, whether it be a break up or otherwise, are important ones to keep close to you. Did the failure cost you a business? Use a different set of circumstances to keep it moving forward. A failed relationship? Take a deep look at the issues the two of you raised, realize that it was neither of your faults and that you both have things to work on.
Regardless of what situation you’ve gotten out of, it’s important that you keep those lessons and discoveries to heart. No matter how hurt you were when it initially happened it’s time to realize that you need to step up and proceed forward. How many times have people told you that when you fall you’ve got get up? Remember to take those lessons with you as you do.
As an added note, make sure that thew lessons are practical ones that have taught you things that help you analyze situations. Things that are useful and will help you proceed, not things that make you jaded and callous, those are still emotions caused by the burns you’re feeling from your situation. As stated above, if your still feeling like that, you aren’t ready to move on. So take the time you need to fix that.
You Learned to Enjoy Who You Are Now
Think about it, if you’re reeling hard from those circumstances and things fell apart, you have to realize that it’s going to impact you heavily. It’s going to change who you are on a couple different levels, and it’s up to you both figure out who that is, and learn to enjoy it. Find your happiness, work towards your passions, and find your new avenues and people that surround you with an infectious need to grow.
On top of that, feel free to discover new ways to look for happiness that you may have never thought of doing. Better yet, look for the things you’ve ALWAYS wanted to try. Those will be the experiences that can help shape who the new you is! Go climb a mountain, check out the desert, go do things that you can use as story-telling fuel. Exploring the world and yourself will leave you speechless, then you build your stories in the manner in which best represents you experiences.
You want to have those stories that make women want you, and make men want to be you! When the chips hit the floor and the world knocks you down, when you come back up and proceed forward, you want to have the best ideal behind your character.
You’ve Taken your First Baby Steps
This is ridiculously huge! People talk too much, everyone is prone to it at some points in their life. I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that. Notice how everyone likes to talk, but no one takes action? The only way that you know that you’re ready to get back out there is when your taking those first steps out the door and down that road! Think about it, there’s going to be many times in life where the things you want to do seem like far off dreams that you can’t fulfill because you’re stuck doing the things that have you committed and working hard right? Well guess what, a huge thing in your life just turned upside down! There’s no real reason to not do the things you’ve always wanted to now! Life is nudging you to take those first few baby steps out the door, go for it!
If you haven’t gotten to this point, where you’ve already taken those steps, well now is the time to do so. Jump up, and get started TONIGHT. To me, this is the last step in getting back out there and back on your feet. When you find yourself spurred forward and taking matters into your own hands, and standing on your own two feet, that is the time when your are Getting Back Out There. At this point, when you find yourself moving forward whether you realized it at first or not, then you are prepared to move forward with the rest of you life.
The Final Word
The crazy thing about the process of getting back out there is that in its very nature it naturally occurs to us. The length of time spent recovering is irrelevant almost because it’s guaranteed that in the end, you’ll be able to stand up and realize that you were able to move past due to the strength you had in your heart. To me, this is the true power of the human spirit, the fact that we can overcome everything that life decides to throw at us. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that getting back out there is easy, to be honest the very faucet of picking yourself up can be arduous and exhausting in and of itself. But the fact is that if anyone can handle the issues presented in front of you, it’s you.
Processing all those emotions allows you to work through the haze of frustrations, it gives you the clarity to take a step back and see your situations from an outside perspective. Developing those goals allows you to realize that there is a life for you after that rough patch, your still there, and there’s still things you need to get done. The lessons you learned from the situation, the things you did wrong and what you’ve learned to look for will help carry you forward. Learning to enjoy who you are now gives you the motivation to find your happiness and keep yourself from getting stuck. And finally, those baby steps forward are the first steps back on the path of your life!
Take all of that knowledge with you, as you can learn something from everything you go through in life, tak your time getting back on your feet, after all life is a marathon, not a sprint!