There’s a saying about our generation, I don’t think that it’s well known, as I only heard it in passing. However, I find it to be quite on point with who many people that are considered “Millenials” believe. The saying goes as follows…
“I’ve been lost for a really long time, so I’m just running with it” – Random Millenial I Overheard One Time
To be honest, I can’t even be sure that they were speaking on Millenials as a generation, but I think it applies regardless. I don’t think this is necessarily a blog post about how to not feel lost, to me it’s more of an admission of truth. Over the past year, I’ve worked tirelessly to achieve as much as possible in my life. I’ve worked to become a writer, a leader in my hobbies, to fall in love, and become a charismatic and strong conversationalist, better than I had before. But in doing so, I’ve run into a series of different problems, ones that hadn’t been present before. But instead of handling these problems as they popped up, I chose the more foolish path. I ignored them, buried them in the back of my mind, and didn’t allow for any self-correction.
Now let me be clear, everything I’ve set out to do, I’ve done in strides. But because I didn’t keep my mind straightened out as I worked on them, I’ve managed to build up a stable of issues running through my brain, and therefore it’s been a difficult transition the further along the path I’ve gone. This goes into the mindset that it makes far more sense to tackle issues as they crop up, that way you don’t shoot yourself in the foot later on. During my time working on myself, I’ve found that speaking it aloud and admitting my faults is a solid first place to start working on it. In my life, I’ve already done this, but because I haven’t written on the blog in far too long, I decided that this first blog post to get this going again should be my own admission.
If you let these problems build up, you eventually start to feel lost, alone, and even afraid for your own sanity. You being to feel…Lost.
Over the past year, the following issues have started popping up, and I’m presently working on all of them.
- As I became a leader, I thought that it meant being everyone’s best friend. In that process, I started to become a person that people took advantage of. In the process of becoming a leader, I became a servant.
- After I fell in love, and then had to end that relationship, I lost sight of my clarity. I no longer knew what I wanted or who I was in my relationships, and therefore felt pain at every turn in intimacy.
- As I became a writer, I was too focused on money. I wasn’t just doing it for the love and making a paycheck, I lost my way.
- In my goal to become a happy, charismatic individual, I lost track of why I was doing it. I became a bit too robotic and lost the genuine aspect of my conversational skills.
So when everything collapses, when life itself rips down those blinders that you’ve put in your face, what do you do? Better yet, what exactly will you experience when you feel it? How do you know that you are feeling lost and that it isn’t just a temporary freakout? So in conclusion, what do you do when you can’t recognize who you are anymore?
In this article, we’ll explore the topic of feeling lost, and just what you can do to get yourself back on the path.
Taking It Too Far
This has happened to almost every person that I know of. When you get into self-help, you are kind of diving into a barrel of monkeys. Growth takes a lot of work, and of course, because of the very nature of what it is, it causes a lot of change. So of course, it’s going to take a lot of tinkering, and while you never quite are spot on with what you want, it all causes you to find yourself in a place where you never expected. It’s all based on finding your own sense of happiness. When you go into the initial dive, the build is usually pretty symmetrical. Here’s normally what happens with growth.
Generally, you take the aspect of yourself that you want to change, you work on it, keep pushing forward and don’t look back. After the initial push, everything is pretty much hunky-dory, things work well, you do a god job and so on. But eventually, you push yourself too far, get to lost in knowing what to do that you lose your authenticity for a while. At that point others keep pointing it out, that you aren’t acting like a genuine person regarding said aspect and you ignore it, thinking they’re just jealous (after all, when you change, you lose many negative influences, it’s part of the process so you’ve often experienced this before). But then you look at yourself in the mirror and everything comes crashing down, you’ve become so focused on that one thing that you’ve lost track of why you wanted to change it. Then comes the final part, you refocus on what you wanted to accomplish, you strip away the people that are impeding you but keep the ones who support you, and you move forward with a genuine desire to change.
So it usually goes in this cycle of not knowing what to do, making improvements, taking it too far, then getting back on track and becoming what you intended in the first place, thereby becoming happy.
But when you hit that point where you realize you feel lost in the fog, what do you do? I’m not going to sit here and sculpt out everything that I’ve done, because honestly I’m not quite through it, but I feel that I’m close. So I’m going to lay out the four steps that I’ve learned for when you get lost and how to get yourself back on track.
Step 1 = Accept That You Haven’t Been Clear With Yourself, and Remind Yourself of Why You Started
When you see how lost you’ve become, it’s pretty confusing. After all, where did you lose yourself? So in this moment, what you need to do is look at yourself and immediately accept that you haven’t been clear. Now I don’t mean here that you need to be clear and honest and admit everything you want to achieve with everyone, I mean that you haven’t been clear with yourself.Take a while and come to accept that you
Take a while and come to accept that you NEED to be honest with yourself as to where you are and remind yourself of what you’re trying to accomplish. In that reflection, you’ll come to realize where you lost track of things as well…so win win there.
Step 2 = See That Your Blinds Are FINALLY DOWN, Make Sure They Stay Down, Remain Clear Headed
At this point, the blinders that you had put up for yourself have fallen. Your next plan of action is to make sure that you stay level headed. You make sure that they stay down. I would say this is the most difficult part because you’re going to be tempted to do one of two different things. You might be tempted to let them slam back up, which is a terrible idea. If you blind yourself to how you’ve changed it doesn’t give you the chance to rationalize where you are. You’ll just stay on the path that was frustrating you, lost and confused as to why what you’ve changed doesn’t feel right anymore.
Two, you might be totally tempted to retreat to where you were in the beginning, this too is a terrible idea. Change is good and quite necessary. If you just return to the person you were, then you haven’t learned a thing now have you? Losing track of something is hard, what’s even harder is if you stop doing something. This makes it infinitely more difficult to get started on it again.
Keep your blinders down, and remain clear headed, don’t give into the fear!
Step 3 = Learn To Blend What You’ve Learned, With Who You Are
You’ve come a long way in changing who you were, and along that path you’ve learned lessons both good and bad. Now you learn to blend who you were, with who you are now. After reflection and revelation, take some time to yourself and blend the two people. Give yourself a bit of time to feel whole again, and keep all those lessons in mind. Take the better aspects of both people, and push away the negative. If you’re lost centering yourself is very crucial.
Figure out what has improved, and what you’re comfortable with at this point. When you center yourself, then you look ahead.
Step 4 = Realign Yourself With What You Want To Achieve, and Keep Moving
This is the final step, it’s essentially moving forward again. By this point, you might still feel a little nervous getting going again. Feeling lost isn’t something to be feared though. When we lose ourselves, it gives us that temporary pause to realize that something is off, that we’ve taken a wrong turn.
Now that you’ve gotten to take your pause, it’s time to continue forward. Write down your list of goals, what you want to achieve, and get started again.
This is all a learning process, that’s the entirety of life itself. These temporary pauses are how you know you’ve gone off track, but then being a little lost is
infinitley more freeing then never changing who we are!